Tangled Web
by Cocacoriola
Summary: A My Fake Fiance-esque au featuring Jily. Hijinks will ensue as James and Lily try to fake a relationship for various reasons.
1. Chapter 1

**Tangled Web**

 _Chapter One_

There was never a day that went by that James Potter regretted taking a bartending job at McLaren's Pub. He didn't regret dropping out of college and taking a minimum wage job that barely covered his monthly needs. He didn't regret being cut off, though he did regret not talking to his parents anymore. Free alcohol and getting hit on by girls every night almost made up for it.

He normally got off work around three am, got home at four, and slept until noon. Even on Mondays and Thursdays, when he had the day off, he generally kept to the same schedule. Occasionally he experimented with new meals, but usually he rotated between a few different restaurants with his friends.

Right before his Friday shift, James downed some whiskey and put on his vest, half-wishing he had the night off. His friends were going to a party, something James often missed out on. Instead, he was the one serving alcohol at different parties every weekend.

That particular Friday, a large group of women came in. James wasn't sure if it was a birthday party or a bachelorette party. He and his fellow bartender, Samantha, placed bets. Whoever won got out of cleaning up the bar that night. James picked birthday party, and Samantha said bachelorette party.

They took the large circle booth in the corner, and sent a few girls over to order drinks. The blonde who led the way was clearly in charge and ordered appletinis for all the girls. James and Samantha exchanged a look, but produced nine appletinis in record time. The blonde snatched one of the trays and marched away without saying anything, but the other two girls, a pair of brunettes, provided smiles of thanks before returning to their table.

Samantha glared after them. "Have you ever noticed that almost everyone that comes in here is rude to us?"

James shrugged. "That's just what happens to us bartenders. People forget that we could spit in their drinks."

" _That_ one deserves some spit in her drink," Samantha said, nodding towards the blonde who seemed to be holding court at her table. "Seems like it's her party."

James crossed his arms, leaned back, and looked at the group of girls. "Or maybe she just makes herself the center of attention where ever she goes."

Samantha smirked. She always seemed kind of bitter about other girls and all the attention they got. James figured it had something to do with something that happened in high school, or college, or both. She was so bitter, in fact, that she hardly ever noticed when she _was_ getting attention. James had given up pointing it out to her because she never believed him. It was starting to get annoying.

The girls from the table returned to the bar quickly, though this time the blonde stayed behind. One of the other girls, a redhead, came with the brunettes instead. One of the brunettes, the taller one, ordered two rounds of shots, and each girl carried a tray back to the table. The redhead hung back and took one of the barstools.

Samantha was helping someone else, so James went to take her order. If this girl was anything like her blonde friend, this was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked, halting in front of her.

The girl moved her gaze from the bottles lined up behind the bar to him. The first thing he noticed was that her eyes were very green. They were very pretty eyes, he decided.

"Give me some of your best whiskey," the girl said, tossing her red hair over her shoulders. In the light from the bar, her hair was more of a rust color, but it looked good on her. "I'm going to need a lot of alcohol to get through this night."

"What are you celebrating?" James asked, grabbing a bottle of the same whiskey he'd had himself before his shift and pouring some into a cup.

"Birthday," the girl said with a grimace, taking the glass that James offered her. "I'm regretting the decision to come here."

"Let me guess," James said. "It's the blonde's birthday."

"Wrong," the girl answered after taking a sip. "Kathy likes to pretend that every day revolves around her, but this actually isn't her party."

"So whose birthday is it?"

"Mine," the girl said, taking another long sip of whiskey.

"Well, shouldn't you be over there having fun?" James asked, though he had a feeling he knew the answer. Maybe it wasn't possible to figure out someone's personality in a few minutes, but James could already tell that this girl was different from her friends.

The redhead shrugged. "If I was supposed to be having fun on my birthday, we wouldn't be at a bar."

"What's wrong with bars?" James demanded, pretending to be offended.

The girl looked at him, blinking slowly. "You're a bartender. If anyone knows what's wrong with bars, it should be you."

"You're right, bars are the worst place to have a birthday party," James agreed. He lowered his voice and added, "Just don't tell my boss I said that."

Finally, the girl smiled. "Your secret is safe with me."

"So if you didn't want to have your birthday party at a bar, why are you having your birthday party at a bar?"

"I'm having my birthday party at a bar because Kathy always gets what she wants. I don't really know why I put up with her," she said, finishing her drink. "I guess because we've been friends since grade school, and I just never really made any new friends."

James examined her. "Are you drunk already?"

"No," she said defensively. "You're a bartender. Aren't I supposed to tell you my life story? Isn't that how this works?"

James laughed. "I do hear a lot of life stories," he admitted. "But usually from boring old drunk men."

The girl was about to say something when one of her friends interrupted. "Lily!" a different blonde called loudly from the table. "Quit flirting and get over here."

The redhead, Lily, turned to her friends and held up a finger. Then she turned back to James and said, "For the record, I'm not flirting."

"Got it," James replied.

Lily hesitated for a moment, though James wasn't sure what she was waiting for. Then she blurted, "Are you single?"

James stared for a second. No girl had ever asked him this in such a direct way. "Are you _sure_ you're not drunk?"

"I'm sure," Lily snapped.

"So you're asking me out?" James asked, grinning.

"Definitely not," Lily replied. "I just-"

"Lily!" This time in was the blonde in charge, Kathy, that was calling.

Lily looked over her shoulder, then back at James. "Never mind."

She hopped off the stool and went back to her friends. James couldn't help staring after her. She was, after all, very pretty. There were plenty of pretty girls in the bar, but there was something about _this_ girl. He'd had this feeling before, but nothing had ever worked out permanently as he was currently unattached.

He moved on to another customer, noticing that Samantha was glaring at him, probably because he'd been chatting with a cute girl instead of working.

A few hours later, as the birthday group was leaving, Lily came back over to the bar. James wanted to smile, but didn't. "Do you really need another drink?" he teased.

"I'm still not that drunk," Lily said, annoyed. It amused James.

"So, how can I help you?"

"Okay, here's the thing. Tonight I had to have birthday dinner with my family, and of course all they could talk about is my sister's engagement. She's been engaged for weeks and yet they're still obsessing over it. So then everyone started harassing me about why I'm still single, why haven't I met a nice boy like Petunia has? I kind of snapped. I told them that they should mind their own business, and that I did in fact have a boyfriend, and I stormed out and came here." The words poured out of Lily's mouth, about a hundred miles a minute.

"Sounds… difficult," James said.

"It is," Lily agreed, still talking quickly. "I know this sounds crazy but now I need someone to pretend to be my boyfriend so my family doesn't think I'm a liar and an attention-seeker. And you seem like someone that my family would either love or would completely piss them off, and honestly I'm fine with either reaction. So I was wondering if maybe you'd be interested in pretending to be my boyfriend."

It took a few seconds for James to absorb all of this. "You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend so you can save face in front of your family?"

"Basically," Lily said, shrugging.

"And what's in it for me, if I agree to this?"

Lily didn't seem to know what to say. "I didn't really think that part through."

James liked to take risks and do stupid things, so it took him only a few seconds to make a decision. "I'll do it," he said.

"Really?" Lily seemed shocked.

"Sure," James shrugged. "I've got nothing to lose, and we can figure out how you can repay me later."

Lily just stared, at a loss for words.

"Do you want me to do this or not?"

"I do," Lily said immediately.

"Okay then," James said. "You can do me a favor, too."

"Deal."

"Lily, honestly, come on!" her friends shouted from the door, getting impatient.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I have to go," she said. "I'll be back. Tomorrow?"

"I'll be here," James promised.

She looked at him for a minute, their eyes locked. Then she turned, her hair whirling out behind her, and disappeared out the door with her friends.

James was left thinking that Sirius was never going to believe this.

 **A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading! Brownie points if you know where I got the bar name from. ;) Please leave me a review, and I'll update soon!**

" _ **Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Tangled Web**

 _Chapter Two_

Okay, so maybe Lily had been a little drunk. Only with plenty of alcohol in her system would she have been able to ask a guy to pretend to be her boyfriend, especially a boy as attractive as the one that she had picked. She still couldn't believe that he'd agree to it. This was a crazy plan, one that was probably going to fail.

There was no way Lily was going to be able to convince her family that this random bartender was her boyfriend. She knew nothing about him. Now that she was at home and sober, she realized that she didn't even know his name.

Maybe she should just back out now, before she completely embarrassed herself. It would be bad, admitting to her family that she didn't actually have a boyfriend. It would be even worse if her family found out that she had literally hired a random boy to fool them.

Lily was torn. Did she really want to do this? She wanted everyone to stop asking her why she hadn't found a boy yet, why she wasn't engaged like Petunia was. _Maybe because I'm not Petunia_. It had never been Lily's plan to get engaged at the age of 21, like Petunia was, or to get married at 22. She wouldn't mind having an actual boyfriend at the age of 20, but it just wasn't the reality right now.

Maybe she should just go through with it. It would be worth it, just to see the look on Petunia's face when she walked in with a guy Petunia had only ever dreamed of dating. She and Vernon seemed to be perfect for one another, but Vernon was no looker.

Lily rolled over on her bed and reached for her cat, Kiki. The tabby opened her eyes briefly when Lily pet her, but went back to sleep almost immediately. "I'm going to do it," Lily whispered.

Kiki purred in response.

It was after noon before Lily finally got out of bed and got dressed. She opened her door quietly and crept to the edge of the stairs, listening. She had to escape the house before her parents or sister saw her, so they couldn't ask any questions about her boyfriend. She didn't even have a name to give them yet.

From the sounds of it, her mom and sister were in the kitchen having lunch. Lily went down the stairs as quietly as possible, grabbed her keys, and yelled, "I'm going out, see you later!" before dashing out the door.

Lily had only been to McLaren's a few times before, but she knew they didn't open until six pm. She'd seen the cute bartender once before, though she'd never spoken to him until last night. So now she had about six hours to kill until she could go back to the bar and find out everything she needed to know about her new fake boyfriend.

She decided to go to Mary's flat and spend the afternoon there, maybe discuss her terrible birthday party. She stopped at a payphone on the way, and Mary invited her over immediately. She was looking forward to complaining about Kathy, one of her favorite pastimes. Mary and Kathy had never gotten along very well.

"Okay, I need to know every word of the conversation you had with the hot bartender last night," Mary said as soon as she opened the door.

"You know, I miss the old days," Lily said, "when people actually said hello when they opened doors, instead of bombarding their guests with questions."

"Alright, fine, hi," Mary said impatiently. "Now, tell me about the bartender!"

"There's nothing to tell," Lily said shrugging. "I don't even know what his name is."

"You flirted with him for like a half hour!" Mary said. "How could you not know his name?"

"I didn't ask," Lily said. She was trying to seem indifferent, like she didn't care about him, until she remembered that she was going to be pretending to date him. She was going to have to lie to Mary too, and all the rest of her friends. She couldn't risk any of them ruining her façade if they couldn't keep her lies straight. It would be best if only she and the bartender knew the truth.

"You don't have to pretend with me," Mary said. "You were totally into him."

"He was pretty cute," Lily admitted. She debated what exactly she should tell Mary, but finally decided to say, "I'm going to see him again tonight."

"You are?!" Mary asked excitedly. "Like on a date? How can you go on a date with someone when you don't even know his name?"

"It's not a date. He has to work."

"So you're going to sit at the bar and drink and flirt, just like last night?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Lily said.

"That's kind of like a date," Mary said.

"I guess. It'll only be a date if I get free drinks though," Lily pointed out.

"Ahh, free alcohol," Mary sighed. "I wish I was dating a bartender."

. . . . . . . .

As it turned out, Lily had to pay for her drinks. It wasn't an official date, apparently.

James, as she found out the bartender's name was, apologized but informed her in a whisper that his fellow bartender that night was also his boss, so he couldn't give away free drinks, which indicated that he would have given Lily free drinks if he could have.

Instead, Lily ordered a beer and drank it slowly. It was a Sunday night, so it wasn't too busy, but it wasn't dead either. Every time Lily tried to start a conversation, someone ordered a drink and interrupted them.

"Maybe we should just meet somewhere else," Lily said when she was almost done with her beer. "When do you have a day off?"

James smirked. "Are you asking me on a date?"

Lily gave him a look. "You're my boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Right," James said, though he still seemed overly amused. "Tomorrow is my day off, actually."

"Do you want to get dinner?" Lily asked.

"Sure," James said. "Where do you want to go?"

"Do you know where Jeff's is?" she asked, naming one of her favorite restaurants.

"That place on Maplewood?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Sure. Let's meet at five?"

"Alright," Lily nodded. "We can figure out everything we need to know about each other during dinner tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," James said. He winked as Lily slipped off the barstool, making something in Lily's stomach do a flip. Maybe she should have picked someone less attractive.

. . . . . . . .

There wasn't much that Lily knew about James, her bartender pretend boyfriend, but for some reason she assumed he was the type of guy to show up late to a date. To build anticipation or something, but Lily loathed tardiness in any form. Lucky for James, he managed to show up before Lily did. This was a feat, because Lily was always awkwardly early for everything.

He'd already grabbed a table for them when Lily arrived, and waved her over. He even stood up and pulled her chair out for her.

"I can get my own chair, you know," Lily said.

"I know," James replied. "I'm just trying to be polite."

They both sat down, and Lily said, "Well, thanks."

"So that's the first thing I've learned about you. Never help you with your chair."

Lily couldn't help smiling. "I guess you can help me with my chair, if you want," Lily said. "As long as you know that I can do it myself."

"Of course I know you can do it yourself," James said. "Your arms aren't broken. I just wanted to be chivalrous."

"Haven't you heard?" Lily asked. "Chivalry is dead."

James pretended to write on an invisible notebook. "Doesn't believe in chivalry."

"Ha ha," Lily said. "Okay, it's your turn. Tell me something about you."

The waitress came over to take their drink orders, and then James leaned across the table a little. "If you really want to know everything about me, you should know that my family is rich. However, I have no money. They cut me off."

"I see." Lily didn't really know how to respond to that. "Can I ask why?"

"They're mad because I dropped out of college," James said lazily. "All my dad has ever wanted is for me to get a business degree and take over his business when he dies. But I don't want a business degree."

"What's your dad's business?" Lily asked.

"He owns all the Edwin's Theaters in town," James answered.

"Wow. Is Edwin your dad?"

"No, that would be my grandfather. He opened the first Edwin's Theater in 1955, as I'm constantly being reminded."

"You must be loaded," Lily observed.

"Well, I'm not," James reminded her. "My parents are, though. Grandad died a few years ago, so most of the money and all of the theaters went to my dad. A little bit of the money went to my aunt, but my dad was always the favorite."

Lily frowned. "That's sad. If my parents died, they'd split everything they had evenly between me and my sister."

"I'm an only child, so my parents don't have much choice," James said. "Though I suppose they could leave the money to my cousins."

"Why can't you take over the business without a business degree?"

James shrugged. "Who knows? My dad thinks college is the most important thing in the world, and he's only interested in me getting a business degree. He doesn't want me to get any other degree or take any other classes."

"That sounds awful," Lily said. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," James said, shrugging again.

"Alright, maybe we should focus on smaller details," Lily said, changing the subject. "How old are you?"

"Twenty. What about you?"

"I just turned 21."

"Ah, so you're older than me," James said. "I think that makes you a cougar."

"We're practically the same age!"

"You're two months older."

"So your birthday is in March?"

"Yep," James said. "March 27."

"Mine is January 30, which you should already know, considering we met on my birthday."

"Ahh, that's right. I'll keep that in mind," James said. "In case someone asks me if I know when your birthday is."

"Exactly how long do you think this is going to last?" Lily asked.

"I don't know. How long do you want to keep up this charade? Are we going to break up next week, or is this going to be a long term thing?"

"I haven't thought about it," Lily admitted.

"Well maybe you should think about it," James advised. "In the meantime, what's your favorite color?"

"Green," Lily said.

"Like your eyes," James said, smiling. "Mine is red."

Over the next hour, the two of them tried to learn all the important, small details about each other. Favorite food, favorite flower, favorite book, and so on. Lily taught him everything she could about her family, including names, jobs, and hobbies.

"So when are you inviting me over for dinner?" James asked, leaning back in his chair. "I need to meet your family, right?"

"Right," Lily said. "Could you get next Friday off?"

"Probably," James said. "I'll ask my boss tomorrow."

"Okay, so we'll plan for next Friday," Lily said. "My mom will probably make lasagna."

"That's almost as good as spaghetti," James grinned. "I probably won't even have to pretend to like it. Should I bring flowers?"

"That would probably be a nice touch," Lily said. "Good idea. My mom likes lilies."

"Is that why she named you Lily?"

"Probably. Okay, you can come over at six on Friday," Lily said. She wrote her address down on a napkin and handed it to him.

The waitress came over and asked if they were ready to pay. Lily pulled her wallet out, but James stopped her. "I've got it."

"But you just told me-"

"Lily," James said. "I can afford a cheeseburger."

Lily considered arguing, but James' face was set. "Okay. Thank you."

After James paid, he walked Lily outside and over to her car. "This was nice," he said.

"It was," Lily agreed. "Fake dating you might not be so terrible."

"Hey, if you thought it was going to be terrible, why did you ask?"

"Because, look at you," Lily said, motioning at James. "You're a… specimen."

James laughed, loud. "That's probably one of the best compliments I've ever gotten."

Lily resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him. "Okay, I need to go home."

James hugged her, surprising Lily. "We need to start looking like a couple if we're going to pretend," he said, seeing the look on her face as he let her go and wave goodbye.

All she could think about on the way home was how warm his arms were around her, and how good he had smelled.

 **A/N: I admit, I know next to nothing about Scotland or Britain, so I'm just making up a bunch of names for stores and restaurants.**

 **Anyways, thank you all for reading! Please, please leave me a review! I'd greatly appreciate it.**


End file.
